I won a mostly-expense-paid trip back to the dr.'s office

My doctor's office called back and the ultimate conclusion from my last PAP is that he doesn't know if there's significance in the fact that I'm HPV positive again. CR@P! So, I now have the privilege of paying another $40 copay to get re-poked/prodded. The nurse told me that I should schedule my follow-up "sometime before your next visit in three months". HAH! It's like they don't think about the emotional impact it will have on me to know there's a chance that this crap is back. To suggest that I just come in sometime in the next 2-3 months may be their way to underscore that there is no urgency and so I shouldn't stress; but, since I'm the person who's affected, I don't happen to agree. I insisted on the next available appointment. It's in 2 1/2 weeks. Yeah, he's a busy guy. Saving lives and all...

Aside from the obvious I was really annoyed at this setback. I was really starting to feel like I could move forward with my life again. I had high hopes that these quarterly visits were just going to be minor emotional blips along the way. You know, a bit of anxiety building up to the visit followed by some cautious optimism fading into confidence. Instead it's time to spend the next three weeks in denial and then reassess things after the follow-up on the 18th.

and yet they keep you waiting

The doctor's office tells you it will be about 5 business days to get results. But if your appointment is on a Friday you can bet that they won't actually have any results the following Friday. And since that following Friday was so busy you won't actually remember or think about it until Saturday. And then you'll have the whole weekend to wonder about WHY the results are delayed. Did they want to wait until Monday so that they could schedule a follow-up appointment on Tuesday to see you? When I was first diagnosed my doctor called me on a Wednesday afternoon and asked me to come in first thing the next morning. So if they had bad news it would just make sense to wait until Monday. Wouldn't want to drop the bomb on Friday afternoon and have me worry about it all weekend. Any minute now the phone is going to ring and they'll tell me it's all just fine. But until then just excuse me while I sit here and obsess.

news flash: anticipation sucks

I went for my long-anticipated CAT scan yesterday. You can see I had a barium drink. No, it wasn't a delicious shake like the nurse promised. Then they "accessed" my power port. Yeah - it looks like fun, doesn't it? I was then injected with contrast dye and scanned (you can see squiggly the tube in the third picture attached to the dye dispenser). Overall a quick procedure, about an hour all said and done. Now I'm just waiting for the results. I have my doctor's appointment at 1:30 pm (it's noon now) and I've been able to keep my mind off it for most of the day, but I am not looking forward to hanging out and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... Doctors' appointment time slots seem to be more general guidelines than specific time slots, so I'm taking my new iPhone, Todd, and my mom to entertain me and keep me from chewing off my fingernails.