Monday, November 1, 2010

And time slips by

It seems hard to remember what things were like about a month ago. I was still in treatment a month ago. I have never posted things on the blog to get people to be proud of me or to inspire someone. I'm just trying my darnedest to cope with things. Having cancer sucked. A lot. But I think we all cope with things in different ways. My way of coping was not consciously to be strong and brave. It just seems that way on the outside. On the inside I wasn't actually coping. It was really denial that made me seems so strong. I just ignored it all. A minor inconvenience in my life. Sure, sometimes I broke down and was freaked out, but overall I had just compartmentalized this crappy little experience and tried to ignore it. That's probably the only way I was capable of dealing with it. I had (and still have) too much life and living to do that I don't have time to mope. I didn't want to let cancer define me. For the most part I have tried to move on. I pretend that it was just something I did for one summer and that I'm done. But the sad reality is that I'm not done. I have a CAT scan on Thursday (11/4) and then a meeting with my doctor on Friday. No big deal, right? It's just another thing that I need to do in my busy schedule. I'm trying not to think about what it means. I am certainly in denial that there could be any bad results. That's simply not an option.

Instead of hiding my head in a box of tissues I decided to do things and pretend to be super-woman. If I pretended long enough maybe it would work. This is an extreme form of denial and I don't specifically encourage people to try it themselves, but it seemed to work fine for me. So, in my little world of denial last month I was looking forward to K's first days of Kindergarten, three of my sisters visiting, the kid's birthdays, seeing my mom for her birthday, running a 1/2 marathon, seeing my brother, visiting with my nieces and of course Halloween. Just your typical busy October, right? And yes, I did a 1/2 marathon last month.

You might want a little background.... For years I have been interested in doing the Nike 1/2 marathon in SF (it happens in mid-October), but have not been able to get in. Instead, one of my friends who turned 30 on 10/10/10 convinced me to sign up for the 1/2 marathon in Victoria for that day. I then convinced some of my siblings to join me for the race weekend. We ran, walked, shopped, drank, had tea at the Empress, and had generally great weather. I am so very proud of my siblings who came and raced with me in a sign of support and celebration!

And yes, I'm very proud for running 6 days after I ended treatment. I guess that's what you can do when you're in denial. There are pictures to prove I was there ( and you can search to find my time (2:35:36)! I felt great the whole time and am already looking forward to planning the next big race event. 

Oh, and I can't finish a post without mentioning that I love that my hair is growing back!

1 comment:

  1. So impressed that you did the 1/2 marathon! ANd I think your hair looks great!