the promise I made to be timely...

When I started the blog I had made myself a promise to post frequently about how things were going. A large reason for me to blog was because it was emotionally and physically exhausting to repeatedly tell the same story. I had to go through the ups and downs of my diagnosis so many times in the first few weeks that I couldn't imagine continuing to do that over and over again. But a big driver for keeping things going is that when I was first diagnosed with cancer I searched the web for countless hours looking for information, inspiring stories, or any other shred of comfort I could find. I would trip across people's blogs and would have excruciating details on their treatment... and then they would taper off. I would read their stories and then be left hanging - wondering "where are they now" and more importantly "HOW are they now"?  So I admit I have been remiss in my obligations to others who might trip across my story and have little to no way of knowing I'm "fine". I have neglected to report on the results of the most recent visit to the doctor's office aside from dismissing it casually as an almost non-event. Fortunately it pretty much was a non-event. I had no issues and no results that required follow-up.

But to say it was as simple as that would leave out the fact that a few days after my visit my doctor's office called to tell me that my results for most things were fine - but they had forgotten to run a CA-125 test. I know. I thought the same thing: "What? How could you forget to order the test?" So I coordinated with the nurse to get orders for the local lab so I could get the test at a convenient location. Then I promptly forgot about it for a few weeks. And by forgot about it I mean I didn't actually go in and get my blood drawn. This lack of urgency is not just some mis-guided denial pretense or belief that I'm in the clear and don't need to take care of myself and be checked. It's also a bit of a protest against admitting having to go through yet another round of worrying and waiting. I was silently digging my heels in so I wouldn't have to face days of uncertainty while I anticipated my test results. Perhaps also willing my doctor's to feel bad that they had failed me - yet again - in their lack of attention to my care. But alas they didn't call to remind me. I had to once again take responsibility for my own life and force myself to take time out of my oh-so-important-job in the middle of the day to get my blood drawn. I know. After all I've been through you'd think I would be a little better about making my own health a priority.  I suppose you will be happy to hear that I did eventually get a letter in the mail. The test was fine; nothing abnormal; see you in 3 months...