relief for at least 3 months...

Most people probably saw that I posted immediately on Facebook that the results of my scan were good. Since then it's been a whirlwind of activity. As I had mentioned my mom is visiting. We took the whole family out to dinner on Friday night. Saturday we had a celebratory brunch at a friend's house. Saturday night I babysat for for another friend. To top it off my mom brought the the family a Christmas present - a super fancy keyboard - and we've been setting that up and playing with it. I am enjoying a morning that really does feel like Christmas. A hot cup of coffee, I got to sleep in, and the kids are busily playing with a present without fighting.

So trying to remember back to Friday afternoon. My doctor said my CAT scan was "perfect". There was no sign of anything troubling. He also used the "R" word - remission! With that good news comes other news, which I had anticipated; I don't have to go back for another 3 months. He actually offered that I could come back sooner since some people have a hard time going from the intensity of treatment to no doctor's visits. I know exactly what he meant since right at the end of radiation I felt somewhat like I had been dumped, but now that I haven't seen a doctor in a few weeks I'm not feeling the need to go back any time soon.

news flash: anticipation sucks

I went for my long-anticipated CAT scan yesterday. You can see I had a barium drink. No, it wasn't a delicious shake like the nurse promised. Then they "accessed" my power port. Yeah - it looks like fun, doesn't it? I was then injected with contrast dye and scanned (you can see squiggly the tube in the third picture attached to the dye dispenser). Overall a quick procedure, about an hour all said and done. Now I'm just waiting for the results. I have my doctor's appointment at 1:30 pm (it's noon now) and I've been able to keep my mind off it for most of the day, but I am not looking forward to hanging out and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... Doctors' appointment time slots seem to be more general guidelines than specific time slots, so I'm taking my new iPhone, Todd, and my mom to entertain me and keep me from chewing off my fingernails.

And time slips by

It seems hard to remember what things were like about a month ago. I was still in treatment a month ago. I have never posted things on the blog to get people to be proud of me or to inspire someone. I'm just trying my darnedest to cope with things. Having cancer sucked. A lot. But I think we all cope with things in different ways. My way of coping was not consciously to be strong and brave. It just seems that way on the outside. On the inside I wasn't actually coping. It was really denial that made me seems so strong. I just ignored it all. A minor inconvenience in my life. Sure, sometimes I broke down and was freaked out, but overall I had just compartmentalized this crappy little experience and tried to ignore it. That's probably the only way I was capable of dealing with it. I had (and still have) too much life and living to do that I don't have time to mope. I didn't want to let cancer define me. For the most part I have tried to move on. I pretend that it was just something I did for one summer and that I'm done. But the sad reality is that I'm not done. I have a CAT scan on Thursday (11/4) and then a meeting with my doctor on Friday. No big deal, right? It's just another thing that I need to do in my busy schedule. I'm trying not to think about what it means. I am certainly in denial that there could be any bad results. That's simply not an option.

Instead of hiding my head in a box of tissues I decided to do things and pretend to be super-woman. If I pretended long enough maybe it would work. This is an extreme form of denial and I don't specifically encourage people to try it themselves, but it seemed to work fine for me. So, in my little world of denial last month I was looking forward to K's first days of Kindergarten, three of my sisters visiting, the kid's birthdays, seeing my mom for her birthday, running a 1/2 marathon, seeing my brother, visiting with my nieces and of course Halloween. Just your typical busy October, right? And yes, I did a 1/2 marathon last month.

You might want a little background.... For years I have been interested in doing the Nike 1/2 marathon in SF (it happens in mid-October), but have not been able to get in. Instead, one of my friends who turned 30 on 10/10/10 convinced me to sign up for the 1/2 marathon in Victoria for that day. I then convinced some of my siblings to join me for the race weekend. We ran, walked, shopped, drank, had tea at the Empress, and had generally great weather. I am so very proud of my siblings who came and raced with me in a sign of support and celebration!

And yes, I'm very proud for running 6 days after I ended treatment. I guess that's what you can do when you're in denial. There are pictures to prove I was there (http://www.brightroom.com/go.asp?83890315) and you can search to find my time (2:35:36)! I felt great the whole time and am already looking forward to planning the next big race event. 

Oh, and I can't finish a post without mentioning that I love that my hair is growing back!